A blur of a week

How is it already Friday? I feel fried. I feel tired. I feel like I need to do something to get me out of this slump.

We have been busy this week. I can't exactly remember what we did Monday, but every other day has been full of fun things. From MOPS on Tuesdays, Playaway (activities class) and trick-or-treating at a local nursing home on Wednesday, and a Moms Club Halloween party plus my car battery dying and our parenting class on Thursday, it has been a full week.

It is finally Friday and I am trying to catch up on everything. I'm cleaning. This pregnancy zaps most of my energy, so cleaning has not been a high priority in my life and you can tell. My house is a disaster most of the time. I would really like to start the weekend off with a clean house, so that is my focus and goal today. So far so good. A few loads of laundry done, bedding changed, and rooms dusted. It is not always easy to get things done around my two toddlers, but a momma's got to do what a momma's got to do. And it WILL get done.

It is finally nap time and once Calan is asleep I will tackle my bathroom including my tub, which is a disaster and needs a good ole fashion scrub down. How do things get so bad so quickly?

Still in my pajamas. Probably should shower at some point as well. How is it already 12:45? This day is flying by. Thank goodness.

The kids have been pretty good today. Though this week has been full of ups and downs with Mr. Calan. Our wonderful toddler flushed an object down our toilet costing us quite a bit to have a plumber come out on a Saturday to fix it (when you only have one bathroom, there really isn't an option). He destroyed his room during a room time this week dumping over his diaper pail with dirty diapers and dumping baking soda all around it. Plus, he has been biting his sister. It has been a trying week to say the least.

But there have been some great moments as well. Maisie is FINALLY starting to walk. She is about a 60/40 right now, walking about 40 percent of the time. I really was starting to give up hope, but she is getting there. Calan has been pretty obsessed with playing with his good friend Gavin that he has started to pray for Gavin and to be able to play trains with him. It is so stinking cute.

The kids are filled with fun and craziness. I am tired a lot of the time, but their smiles do make life a lot better. Love being a mom to these 2 babies. Oh baby number 3, you have know idea what you are in for.

The kids a local farm for our church's family night. The both loved the hay pile and Maisie did not freak out at the farm animals. 

A little Halloween preview from this weeks trick-or-treating and party. 

Pinkalicious

I turned pink 5 years ago today. I swear my face was pink, my hands were pink, and my belly was the color of a sunset. I cried I was so beautiful. I even had pink tears.

Five years ago today, I did not feel beautiful, but at that point, I had no idea how beautiful life would be. I needed to turn pink to change my life. 

I never know how to feel on today. The day marks a not-so happy day, but yet the joy that I feel to pass it every year makes me smile and cheer "I'm still here."

When I was told at 26 that I had breast cancer, I was a bit naive about what I was really facing. I was naive at how much I was dealing with at that moment. Everything happens so quickly. You are diagnosed, you are sent through a million tests, and then treatment starts. The beginning is such a whirlwind there is no time to really digest what is happening. I remember thinking that during some test or at some point they would tell me they had it all wrong that I was fine and that I could leave. That never happened. 

Then as treatment continued you get this fighter spirit that damn it, nothing is going to take you down. You go through it all like a warrior. 

Then treatment stops and for the rest of your life you wait. I still wait. 

But waiting and stopping are two totally different things. I have never stopped. 

I love and appreciate the life I have now. I still have many faults and I still have many selfish tendencies, but I do believe that I am a different person than I was 5 years ago. The small stuff, the joyful stuff, the simple things matter beyond words. 

I have had so many friends and family support me through my journey and friendships blossom because of my diagnosis. My gratitude toward all of them is immeasurable. I live life more open-handedly because of the support and love others showed me. 

I like the person I have become. I look back on my before-cancer self and I really look at such disappointment. I was missing it. I was missing the small stuff. I was taking too much for granted. I was not the person I dreamed or desired to be. 

I see myself differently now. I am be no means perfect. I have many many flaws, but I like me. I like my life. 

Then I look at my children. The babies that came so easy and without effort. The ones some told me might not happen. The ones I know were meant to be ours. And my heart grows tenfold. I like that I am better a mom and wife than I would have ever been if I had not turned pink. 

When I was diagnosed, I knew what I had to do. I had to hold my nose and take what they gave me. I had to choke down pills, gag on chemo, and burp up radiation. But the next thing I knew, my arms tickled, my ears tingled, and my feet twitched. I was no longer pink. I was (a better) me and I was beautiful. 

Thanks to my husband, family, and friends. I love you all. Five years and counting. 

First trimester blues

I am sure regular readers have noticed my silence over the last couple weeks. Well, now that you know that I am pregnant, I hope it makes a little more sense. This first trimester has been zapping all my energy and brain power. Plus, for the first time, I experienced a mild case of morning sickness.

I have been napping when my kids nap and not just for an hour or so, but for the full 3 hours that they are down. And some days, they are the ones to wake me up when they wake up.

My will power or desire to blog has been non-existent. I felt like I was in a baby blue trap. My motivation for anything other than making my sure kids were fed and in clean clothes was absolutely missing.

I have spent a lot of time sitting on the couch watching TV. It has been a bit sad really, but seriously it was all that I could muster from weeks 8 to 12.

I am finally feeling a light at the end of the first trimester tunnel. I am  no longer sick and I am slowly gaining my energy back. I have a good day and then I have a day like yesterday where I needed a 3-hour nap to survive the day.

I am so thankful that my children still take naps. Not sure I would have been able to handle this first trimester without the child break.

I keep joking that this third child is going out with a bang. So far it has been my worst pregnancy to date, which isn't saying much since my last two were pretty awesome (or at least that is how I remember them).

I am glad that I am starting to feel like myself again and that this trimester is finally coming to an end. Happy second trimester bliss!

Totally wonder if these two are ready for a third. Love sibling playtime. 

Bring on Number 3

12 week tiny baby bump, though to me, I feel huge. 

Well it is official. It must be true since it is posted on Facebook. It is really happening. We are having our third child.

When Bob and I would talk about our future family size, I always thought we needed more than 2. I am one of 4 and Bob is the oldest of 5, so neither of us come from a two-child family. However, once we had 2, my thoughts were how could we possibly manage more.

I was tired, I was stretched thin, and I didn't know if I really could handle more than 2 children. I only have so many hands.

I remember when I was pregnant with Maisie and people would say, "Oh, a boy and a girl, the perfect family," it would irk me like no other. I know that some of my annoyance was pregnancy provoked, but I seriously wanted to scream that not everyone just wants 2 children and not everyone just wants a boy and a girl. There is no perfect family.

Well, then I had my 2, and yes a boy and a girl, and in my tired and exhausted state-of-mind, I thought, well maybe I do have the perfect family. Maybe those strangers were right? Maybe this is all that we need?

But, then life got easier. My two babies were doing better and needing me a little less. I started to sleep better and that urge to complete our family hit me.

I think my husband would have been fine with just two, but even though the thought of 3 under 3 is daunting, he would agree that our family was meant for one more child.

So in July after months of debating should we or shouldn't we, we pulled the trigger per say. We stopped all the what ifs and maybes, and just decided to go with our guts.

Again, there was little trying. We got pregnant on the first try.

So here we are. Pregnant and expecting our third bundle of joy. We are excited and fearful. We are completely scared of what it will be like. I almost feel like a first-time parent again. I have many worries. I have many fears. But, I'm beyond excited. I am beyond thrilled. I am elated to complete our perfect family.

THE TIEBREAKER

Stubborn Bugger

I feel like I have been saying for months that Maisie is days away from walking. Well, guess what, she is NOT walking. I swear she has been pulling herself up, walking around furniture, taking a couple steps to objects, and walking with push toys for forever. But yet, she won't take that leap. That final release where she knows she can do this. Where she knows that life will never be the same. Where she  is no longer the baby.

She is so cautious. So unsteady when she realizes she is standing by herself. I swear it is a confidence issue more than anything else. Is that crazy?

I am basically positive she has the ability, but yet she holds herself back.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed having only one walker for so long. Not sure what I am going to do when they are both running away from me. But Gosh Darn It, Maisie, it is time for you to walk.

And then there is the bottle. She refuses to drink from a sippy cup. For Calan, I just started to cut out his bottle. I just wouldn't give it to him at meals anymore. I have done the same with Maise, and the yet she will just go without till I give her a bottle in the afternoon. I give her a sippy cup with milk and a bottle with water and she refuses them both all morning.

She is just not grabbing on to the whole sippy cup idea. She just bites. I have tried all different types of sippy cups, but if any of you have a go to, PLEASE share. We are just getting no where. She is quite attached and completely not willing to move forward.

Have I mentioned that she is a bit of a stubborn bug. Can't decide if this trait is like my husband who just hates change, or like me, who no one can make me to do anything I don't want to do. Or, God help me, BOTH.

Generations upon generations

My immediate family taking a picture with my grandmother.

My family is probably the exact opposite from my husband's.

Bob's family gets together regularly. We see each other every Sunday and most of his aunts, uncles, and cousins probably once a month. I know about their lives from many upon many conversations.

My family has not been in the same room together in 5 years. I have not seen many of my cousins in probably a decade. We do not get together for the holidays. We do talk, but I only know most of my cousins through Facebook. (Sad, I know, but it is the truth.)

This past weekend we all FINALLY came together to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. Can you think of a better reason to come together?

It was wonderful seeing my family. Though with chasing Calan and keeping tabs on Maisie, I did not get to socialize as much as I would have liked. It was a little overwhelming.

But how wonderful for my grandmother to see her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all in one room. I can only imagine how overwhelmed she felt at the surprise party.

I think of my grandmother as a pretty quiet woman. She is opinionated, but is pretty passive-aggressive when she wants to get her point across. She had 4 children in 5 years. She has 11 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren. She is an incredible baker and I think most of us think sugar cookies when we think of her. They are a family favorite.

There are many reasons as to why my family does not get together. The biggest being probably distance. But it was great for one moment for all of us to be together to celebrate her. For the most part, everyone minded their Ps and Qs, and it was a wonderful party. I am sure that it is still the talk of my grandmother's apartment complex.

Not sure when I will see my family again, but I hope that this party maybe starts to bring us all a little bit closer.

You win some, you lose some

This has just been one of those weeks where I have barely kept it together. One of those weeks where I feel like I am running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. One of those weeks where I am just counting down the days till Friday.

I am tired. I am unfocused. I am very, very unproductive.

It is one of those weeks where I kind of wish I had a job that I could just hide out and do the bare minimum to get by. A job where I can just be a little selfish for a full week. One of those jobs where I just have to worry about me and that's it.

I obviously do not have a job like that and obviously when I am having a week like this my children are the ones who are effected.

I talked about what happened on Monday. Yeah, that was a genius moment. And then yesterday, I drove off with my purse on the top of my car. When I realized 15 minutes later and circled back around, it was already gone by the time I got back. Purse gone, wallet that I loved gone, a little cash gone, a few gift cards gone, credit cards gone, etc. It was fabulous moment.

I have canceled what I need to, called the police in case it turns up, and at some point soon I'll head to get a new I.D. Everything is replaceable and it is not the end of the world, but it was just one more thing that has me wanting to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and take an amazing nap.

Today, so far has been pretty good. I need to clean, but life is going OK. I am making it through.

This morning we visited a fire station. Calan had an amazing time. He was so excited. I was pretty proud of my little guy who never cried while waiting his turn (an issue in the past) or hit any other child (still working on it). It was a good time had by all.

In terms of teaching Calan this week, we have not gotten much teaching time in, so I will not be sharing "A for Ant" tomorrow. Sorry. Hopefully nest week has some kind of normalcy to it. Not sure how much more this momma can take.

You live, You learn, and You pray your kids survive

You know your day is going to start off great when you have to call Poison Control to make sure your son did not kill himself.

Yep, that was my morning. Parent error completely.

Maisie has been sick and I have been giving her Tylenol to keep her fever down. Well, this great mom left the Tylenol with lid off with easy access to my wonderfully curious toddler who then took what we think would be the equivalent of 7 doses of Tylenol.

On the bright side, Poison Control says that it was not a toxic amount and he should be fine. However, to be on the safe side, I took both kids to our pediatrician this morning to get them checked out. Calan for his overdose and Maisie for her fever. She recommended that Calan have a blood test just to make sure his liver is OK, so we did that. We should know the results at some point this afternoon.

I am glad he is OK and that I dodged a serious mistake, but it is just a scary reminder at how quick things can go wrong and how I have to be so careful about everything. He is a very curious and resourceful toddler. He will get into anything and everything if not watch or instructed to stay away.

I hate that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know you did something wrong as a parent. I know that it was a mistake and that everyone is fine, but I hate knowing that I messed up. If you know me personally, I have a horrible time with mistakes. I have horrible guilt. I never break the rules because of the guilty feeling I feel afterward.

Calan is a quick little guy and luckily he is pretty resilient too. Hopefully, he survives his childhood with little damage in the process.

(As for Maisie, she is still battling a fever. The doctor thinks that it might be Roseola (baby measles). With that, the fever lasts for 3 days followed by a rash. So, if the fever isn't gone by Wednesday, we need to go back in. I hope she feels better soon. Let's just say, she is looking kind of pathetic right now and you can tell that she is just not feeling well. I like all the cuddles, but I would rather have my smiling baby back instead.)

C for Caterpillar

When trying to decide what I wanted to teach Calan this month, I decided that his name was a good place to start. He of course knows his name and I know that he somewhat knows how to spell it, but he for some reason refuses to spell it for me when asked. (I hear him spelling it when not prompted.) 

So over the next month, I'll be going over his the letters of his name and working with shapes and colors and numbers that go along with it. 

Here was this weeks lesson plans:

Telling the story of the Very Hungry Caterpillar helped
to keep Calan engaged.

Goals:

• Recognize the letter C
• Recognizing numbers 1-5
• Picking out colors Red and Green
• Following directions



Our decorated C is for Caterpillar craft.

• Repeating parts of weekly bible verse: "The old has gone, the new has come" 2 Corinthians 5:17

  

  Tot Book Pack from 1+1+1=1 

Activities:

• Reading the "Very Hungry Caterpillar" with felt pieces.
• Coloring number Caterpillar pages
• Using 1+1+1=1 Tot Book activities to sort colors and sequencing.
• Create a C caterpillar craft
• Reading the story of John the Baptist

Calan did pretty good for our first week of activities. I tried to keep everything to under 30 minutes. He liked reading the "Very Hungry Caterpillar" with the felt pieces that I made. He helped me count all the fruit the caterpillar ate. He loves butterflies, so he liked it when the caterpillar becomes the butterfly. We have read the story many times before, but using the felt pieces helped bring it to life for him.

Coloring pages that we worked on each day
counting and coloring the fruit.

I was impressed with how much Calan wanted to color. In the past, it has been a quick activity that he had little patience for. I colored right along with him. We would trace inside the numbers. He liked it when I held his hand while doing this.

Calan did well at picking out his colors. He did OK at counting just to 5. He seems to always want to end with 8,9,10. He is starting to recognize his numbers, but isn't quite there yet. He did great at picking out the letter C and was even connecting C to Calan, which I knew he knew. We did not get a chance to work on shapes like I had planned. I was suppose to make a circle caterpillar that we were going to put together on the wall. We just never got around to it. I'll save the idea for a rainy day.

Next week will be A for Ant.