Long and lean and stubborn

Despite my best efforts, Maisie just isn't gaining the weight she should be. 

Well, despite me feeding Miss Maisie around the clock and despite what seemed like a growth spurt this week, Miss Maisie only gained an ounce in 2 weeks. She should be gaining an ounce every 1 to 2 days. So gaining an ounce every 2 weeks not so good at all.

She is long and lean and only 10 lbs. 12 oz. Our plan now is to supplement.

The doctor thinks that I have enough milk, but it might just not have enough calories for her. Since I have been feeding on demand and she has been sleeping well and she still isn't gaining, I think our doctor might be right. When Calan was 4 months, he didn't gain as much as he should have too, but I thought that was because I was pregnant with Maisie. At about 4.5 months, I was feeding Calan two formula bottles a day and probably breastfeeding him 3 times a day. By 5.5 months, I was full-time, formula feeding him.

The goal is to have Maisie drink at least 8 oz. of formula a day on top of my breast feeding. I also am to mix a little cereal into her formula to help with her reflux instead of increasing the dosage on her medicine. The formula and cereal will be heavier in her stomach so it will be less likely to come back up. So in theory, that should help with her reflux pain that she seems to be still having. I really, really, really hope it works.

I know that there are probably some hardcore breastfeeding mommas who probably would suggest something different, but I have decided to go with our doctor. I just can't keep trying different things. I need to go with the sure bet, which is formula. She will get the calories she needs from that without a doubt in my mind. Our little girl needs to gain weight and quickly and that is what is most important right now.

I do hope that I have enough will power to continue breastfeeding on top of bottle feeding. I gave up with Calan sooner that I feel like I should have and I don't want to have the same regret this time.

I have tried the last 2 feedings to give her a bottle and she is not taking it from me. She is being quite stubborn only wanting my breast, which is pretty common with breastfed babies. In the past she has taken bottles just fine from my husband and mother-in-law. She is stubborn, but she doesn't realize that she gets that from me. I am pretty sure I will win out. We go back to get her weight checked December 14. Praying for a chunky baby by then.

On top of her weight stuff, we are also going to get her eyes checked. She is showing some signs of have less eye control than she should. She focuses well, but when her eyes are relaxed they roll back. While most likely it is nothing, we are still going to get it checked. Her appointment isn't till January 5. So, maybe by then it will have corrected itself.

Holiday season is here

We just had such a wonderful week as a family. It was great having my husband home all week. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and the kids behaved for the most part.

We just had such a wonderful week as a family. It was great having my husband home all week. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and the kids behaved for the most part.

Our Christmas decorations are up and I'm really getting into the holiday spirit. 

Christmas is a big discussion right now for my husband and I. While this year is still a free year because Calan is still too young to understand, we are starting to figure out what our traditions will look like.

For me, Christmas was mostly about presents like most children, but there were a few traditions that I really do hope to continue with my children. The first being special morning breakfast. My mother always made and egg bake casserole, which we called "egg junk" because it was usually made with whatever was leftover in the fridge. The breakfast was served on my mother's China. She always said what good are special dishes if you don't bring them out to use. I am not sure how many dishes if any we broke, but I personally loved knowing that my breakfast was on my mom's special dishes. Another thing she did was that she never put Jesus in our Nativity season (which she gave me when I moved out) till Christmas morning. 

Some things that we are hoping to do is to limit the amount of presents our children get. We want the holiday to be more about giving than receiving, so from us each child will get 3 presents. As they get older, we will incorporate them into adopting a family for Christmas that Maisie and Calan will help buy for. 

While Santa is still being discussed, I think that we have decided not to push Santa (and that includes Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny, too). We want Christmas to be about who it is actually about Jesus and his birth and that God loves us so much that he sent his only son, which is the only present that we actually need. 

Now, don't think in anyway that we plan to deprive our children. It is just that we want to center Christmas around Jesus and family, which is what we have centered our lives around. So, to be honest, it isn't any different from our daily lives. 

Did you have a hard time figuring out what Christmas would look like for your family or did it just fall into place? What traditions did you incorporate?

Nothing to announce

It is a running joke in our family that November and Thanksgiving is our month for milestone events. We got engaged the day after Thanksgiving, we got married at the beginning of November, my hair started to fall out on Thanksgiving after my second chemo treatment, and we announced both pregnancies on Thanksgiving.

This year, I am happy to say that November is going to pass without any life changing events or announcements. I am thankful for a year to just be. To say, that we have had some busy years over the last 6 years would be an understatement. I am ready to just let life happen and to see where God guides us to be.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy the day and family time. I know that we will eat well and sleep sound tonight.

A lot to be Thankful for

But no time to write about it, so I'll just share some pics.

What vacation?

My husband is on vacation this week, which is so wonderful, but last week I had to break the news to him that real vacations are a thing of the past. The days of sleeping in or taking off on a whim are just not what vacations are anymore. (He did sleep in a little today.) Instead, they are filled with doctor appointments, haircuts, home projects, and all the other things that we put off till there are 2 of us home during the week.

That doesn't mean that they still aren't fun because it is just so nice having him home with us. Calan is absolutely in love with his dad and to see the joy on his eyes when Bob is around is absolutely amazing and something that won't last forever. I have the privilege of spending time with Calan everyday while Bob gets glimpses during the week.

Vacations might not be what they use to be, but life is just better that way. This time in our lives is just a short season that is too amazing to miss.

But that doesn't mean I'm not enjoying my night out tonight getting my hair done while Bob is at home with both kids trying to get them dinner and put to bed by himself.

My little helper

Absolutely 100% loving the mimicking phase of toddler hood. Calan is so cute helping around the house and picking up his toys and clothes.

Today, he helped clean most of the house following me along with his little Swiffer and feather duster. I got a lot done and he was so cute following along.

I knew that at some point he would catch on that we pick up toys, but to watch him actually do it makes me a little proud. He puts his (and Maisie's) dirty clothes in the laundry basket. After his independent playtime in his pack-and-play, he tosses any toys his tossed out back into his playpen. He stacks his books on the fireplace after we are done reading them.

He has really become such a good little helper with Maisie as well. He does things like putting her blankets away or handing me a burp cloth if I ask (and sometimes when I don't).

When Maisie is on the ground, he crouches down next to her and says hi in the cutest high-pitched baby talk way just like an adult would do.

He is just doing so many things that he has picked up by just watching Bob and I. He is really becoming our "little buddy," and with that we are realizing how important it is to be setting good examples. It really is crazy to see your actions played out in someone so little. It is an instant self awareness good and bad.

Calan using his Swiffer on our floors. Took 2 of the pole segments out and it is his perfect size. I got the idea from a friend of mine. 

A little worried, a lot concerned

Maisie had her 4-month doctor appointment today. I went in feeling pretty good about her milestones and her growth, but still a little worried about her reflux. And then we weighed her. And my worry became concern.

Maisie only gained 3 ounces in 7 weeks. She should have at least gained a pound, which is 16 ounces. 3 ounces is like gaining nothing. How could my good sleeper and pretty good eater not be gaining anything?

There are a few things that could have caused the lack of weight gain. The most harmless would be that she was just finishing up a growth spurt and will start to pack on the weight soon. The worst would be that she isn't eating enough because she is associating eating with pain (her reflux), so just doesn't eat enough. 

I have to go back in 2 weeks to have her weighed again and I am praying that she packs on the weight. I am totally OK with supplementing my breastfeeding if that is what she needs, but I just want her to gain weight. 

Right now, the doctor just wants me to continue doing what I am doing and we increased her medicine a little to see if it helps make her more comfortable. She is not too worried yet, but doesn't want us to wait longer than 2 weeks to see if she gained enough. I personally think the 2 weeks are going to be a long 2 weeks. 

I guess a part of me knew that she was a bit skinny, but to be honest so was Calan at this age. I remember that he hadn't gained a lot between 2 and 4 months, but then shot up before 6 months. The goal is for the baby to double their birth weight by 6 months and triple it by a year. Maisie was 7 pounds 15 ounces when she was born and she was 10 pounds 11 ounces today. 

Maisie eats basically every 3 hours and at least once or twice in the evening. It seems like at each feeding she is getting enough because she is sleeping well, which is a good indicator, but her weight gain is saying otherwise. 

I just want my little girl to grow. So please pray that she is growing big and strong and that God is healing her of her reflux and that my milk is plentiful for her. 

Grrrrr...Mean librarian you make me mad

I try to take Calan each week to our library story time. While there are specific story times for different age groups, we attend the one for families for children ages 0-5 years old. So there is a wide range of attention spans and behaviors, which I am sure pretty much every parent understands.

Today I wish that I could have told the librarian what I thought of her and her lack of patience and grace. She seemed so harsh and righteous that I was left in awe.

First, I should tell you that Calan behaves very well and sits and stays on the rug and listens for the most part. I have been pretty proud of my little guy. And I should say that we usually have a great experience at story time, but this librarian just rubbed me the wrong way.

When Calan and I walked in, she of course wanted to make sure that I knew that the younger ones can sit in the parents lap. Yup, got it, but my kid is good. Then she wanted to set rules for the parents making sure that we knew our kids were not to pass her "line" and if they were, then we should redirect them. Yup, that is pretty obvious, but thanks for making sure we know.

Those things were fine, but what really got me was when unfortunately one little girl was just not sitting and the mother was trying, but it wasn't completely working. Yes, maybe the mother could have excused themselves earlier, but the little girl was not throwing a tantrum and she wasn't bothering anyone, just not exactly sitting and jabbering a little. At one point the librarian closed the book she was reading and gave the most disapproving glare to the mother, who then left with her daughter. Seriously, you had to make that mother feel embarrassed? Seriously, you couldn't see the mother was trying? Seriously, you showed no grace or understanding!

As a mother, you hope every time you go out that your kid is never THAT kid, but we all know at some point your kid WILL be THAT kid. We look at other mothers with sympathy and grace when it is their turn to deal with an issue because we know we have been there or will be there soon.

I really felt the librarian did not get the age group she was targeting. First she picked books that were way too long and detailed. Most of the kids are 2 or 3 years old. There are one to two older and a few younger, but for the most part it is toddlers. And she felt like she needed to scream read the book. Kids were not interested and looked pretty bored and confused. I wish I could have given her a dirty look for her teaching abilities, but I understand and get that it is a free program and some times it is great and others not so much. I would never condemn you in front of everyone the way you did that poor mother.

I know that I hate been looked at and judged for my parenting. It instantly makes me sweat. Because of that, I really try hard to never give a judging look to another mother. We all want whats best for our kids. We all don't want to be THOSE parents with the problem child. If we somehow had a magic button that makes our kids behave perfectly every time, then we would never have to deal with judgmental librarians.

Mess Free Toddler Activity

I have been on the look for entertaining, easy young toddler activities. Today we did water painting. Literally painting with water. How ingenious right? Takes the mess right out of the activity, but keeps the fun in.

All you have to do is take colored paper (we used green card-stock) and water and go to town.

He used a paint brush, his fingers, and an ice cube to paint. You can also use sponges or basically anything that will streak water.

Calan loved it and I loved the clean up or lack there of.

Today I was working on colors and specifically green so we used green paper. Here are some other things that I did today to reinforce the color green with Calan:

• We all (even Maisie) are dressed in green
• We have been singing "The Little Green Frog" (a favorite of mine from my camp counseling days.)
• I gathered up a bunch of his toys that were green (blocks, stuffed animals, books, etc.) and we put them in and out of a green bag. 
• Tonight, broccolli is on the dinner menu. 

New season, new clothes

It is always a little said to me when I have to change out my children's clothes. Especially when they are Maisie's age. It is a reminder to me that they are growing too big too fast and that time is just flying by.

Today I packed up all of Maisie's newborn and 0-3 month clothing. She was still fitting some of the clothes, but most of it, she had out grown. How did that happen so fast?

I washed all her 3-6 month stuff and filled her drawers with clothing that just seems too big for my little girl. But the reality is that she is 3.5 months and she is that big.

It is probably a good thing that she is finally moving into a larger size. I had a limited amount of cold weather clothing in 0-3 months. She obviously will be much warmer in her winter clothes. (And she looks pretty cute, I must add.)

Structuring playtime??

So after months of letting Calan play however he wanted in our family and after months of me cleaning up after the tornado, we are changing it up. This week during our parenting class, a couple told us how they have organized and taken all of their son's toys and put them out of easy access. Is it crazy that I had never thought of doing that? In a culture where our children have so much and almost too much sometimes, it is against the norm to control our children's playtime. But should playtime always be a free for all?

So here is the thought behind why we have hidden Calan's toys:

• He was going from toy to toy to toy to toy without really focusing on what he was doing in the first place.
• It helps control the mess and gets him involved in cleaning up his toys instead of him just playing with a new toy while I am cleaning up his last toy.
• It keeps his toys new and exciting.

His toys are still there for him to play with and he can still play with what he wants. We aren't keeping him from being a playful child and we aren't stopping him enjoying his toys. We are, however, controlling what he plays with and when.

Wednesday during his nap, I took his toys that were smaller and put them in a trunk and up on our book shelves. There are 3 toys on the ground that were just to big to put somewhere else. I thought when he woke up that he would be looking for his toys or complaining about them being gone, but it has been a non-issue. He hasn't cared at all. He has played with the toys that are available to him very happily. Plus, he isn't tripping over toys that hadn't been put away yet.

I am not sure if this will always be the case and I am not sure it is the answer, but we are trying it out and so far, so good.

Do your toy rooms look like a tornado hit? Would you ever consider restricting access?

Goodbye freedom; hello structure. 

Sleep interrupted

Sorry, my mind has been a little foggy the last few days. My nights have not gone very smoothly, which has left me a little sluggish and pretty tired.

I would say that the last few nights are when I really feel like I have 2 children. My little ones have successfully been waking me up at different times and fortunately that means I am not getting any type of solid sleeping.

Calan has been waking up in the middle of the night for quite some time. He doesn't say anything, but he rocks and bangs against the crib. Everything that I have read about this behavior says that it is normal and a soothing technique. Unfortunately, it keeps me up. I just can't sleep if one of my babies isn't asleep. So, while I don't have to attend to Calan, his rocking can last anywhere from 15 minutes to (like last night) 2 hours.

And, it always seems right as one baby is going to sleep the other wakes up. It is one of those nights that you just feel like you can't win no matter what you do.

To add to the night, my parents were here staying the night as they were passing through on their way back home. So, Calan kept everyone up and I feel like a bad mom because I can't figure out why my son is waking to rock each night.

We have changed his diaper, we have shortened naps, we have lengthened naps, we have put him to bed early, we have put him to bed late. We have done everything that we can think of and the rocking continues.

To me, it is hard because there just isn't an easy way to help sooth him. I have tried rocking him and holding him and singing to him, but the second I put him in his crib, he gets in the corner and starts rocking. Most of the time, I watch him on the monitor and he is asleep rocking. I really do see how it is a soothing technique for him, but why is he doing it in the middle of the night after he has been asleep for hours? That is my biggest issues. I just want him to sleep peacefully through.

I understand and get why Maisie wakes up, but Calan is frustrating because I can't figure it out. I can't help him and I feel powerless over his and my lack of sleep.

Anyone ever deal with this? Did you figure it out?

5-year whirlwind

Picture of Bob and I when we had been dating more than
6 months. That was 12 years ago!

Crazy to think that at 18 I met and fell in love with my husband. Crazy to think that 5 years has past since we vowed to love and cherish each other for life. If anyone had told me what our first 5 years of marriage would have looked like, I would have probably cried and laughed and would have stared at them in disbelief. Nothing prepared us for what we would face, but together we have endured and enjoyed life together.

I look at the two18-year-olds in that picture and realize how lucky they are to have found each other in a sea of people during just their third week of college. I look at us so young and think about how much Bob has changed me for the better and how God knew that I needed him in my life. Bob knows how to keep me grounded and patient and calm.

I know for a fact that I live a great life because I have my husband by my side. 

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fallYou say it best when you say nothing at all.
"When You Say Nothing at All" by Alison Krauss (Our wedding song)

We had to do it

This cloth diapering mom is sad to say that we have resorted to disposables at night for Calan. After battling yeast rashes and leaks, I had to give in. I had to make the decision that disposables at night was what was best for my little man right now.

I was putting him in a bamboo fitted with tons of extra inserts. His diaper butt was HUGE. While he did not leak for the most part, he just was soaked and getting rashes and waking up in the middle of the night. My 12-hour sleeper was just not doing well in cloth at night.

I know that there are options out there and I hope to figure something out soon, but I haven't had the time or "passion" to figure it out. I'll be honest, it has been easier changing him into a disposable for night. I got tired trying to strip our diapers and trying different levels absorbency and still battling rash after rash after rash. Plus, he started to get urine burns. I couldn't deal with it anymore. So, we bought a box of disposables and I haven't looked back.

Calan has always been a heavy wetter and it has always been an issue when it comes to cloth diapering. I know that there are a ton of options out there, but for this busy mom, disposables were our best option for the time being.

And yes, I am still trying to convince myself that it is OK that I am using a disposable. I have crazy cloth diapering guilt. I know that is crazy, but it is true. However, Calan's butt is clear and I have to go with what works for now. So, to me, we just had to do it.

Community, calling, and other mommy emotions

This blog is going to be a bit of a ramble, but I have started a few times on each topic, but they all oddly enough kind of go together, so bare with me. 

Did you ever dream of your life as a mother the way you might have dreamed of your wedding day? I kind of did. While I enjoyed (for the most part) my time working a real career, I always day dreamed of the day that I would be a stay-at-home mom. What my afternoons would look like; what I would be able to do with my children instead of staring at my computer screen each day; and how much I would enjoy being with them. These things would cross my mind regularly and now that all is true, my reality is even better.

When I had Calan, life was good, but early on, as in 2 months after he was born, I was really feeling ready to have another baby. I really felt like it was already time to have another. And according to the calendar, we were pregnant right before Halloween last year. We found out Nov. 6. Can you believe how little Calan was and I was already for another? But it was a strong emotion that I am NOT having this time at all. I know that we want more children, but I am actually really OK with waiting for a little bit this time. My day dream of having babies around me and enjoying their smiles and excitements and joys has really come true. And I love it.

I would wonder if I would get bored being a stay-at-home mom and the answer without a doubt is that I am never bored! Life gets a little bit on repeat, but I have been really lucky to find some great mom friends that I can call up and get together with. Play dates, lunches, coffee, story times, etc. are all wonderful moments for me. I love feeling a bond with some wonderful women and their wonderful children. This week has been great. Monday was obviously Halloween, yesterday we went to story time and then an impromptu play date in the afternoon, and today we just got back from a wonderful afternoon at the zoo with friends. Tomorrow, we have our play group class and not sure yet what we are going to do Friday, but I hope it is as fun as the rest of the week. Life isn't dull and I don't feel trapped by my children. Life is really kind of how I saw it. Great moments with great friends.

I have no regrets of leaving my job to be a mom and I have no desire to go back. I love being here and I love taking care of my family. I feel honored and blessed that my day dreams have come. And I do not miss the hours I spent pretending to work and pretending to enjoy what I was doing. The truth is my heart was never in it. My husband and my kids are my heart.

Yes, I know that not ever day is a dream and that there are days that I struggle (I have even blogged about it), but today is one of those glorious days that I can sit here and just day dream and smile and Thank God that my dreams are coming true.