The Kenley Marie Story

My baby is a week old today. Time, to me, is a funny thing. It never changes, but yet never feels constant. A minute is a minute, right? But yet those last weeks of pregnancy take forever to be over, and those first days go by in a blink of an eye.

I am sitting here in a quiet house with my baby sleeping and my children off to the zoo with their dad. It is almost feeling a bit surreal. But what better time to actually sit down and remember Kenley's birthday.

As I alluded to in previous posts, we started to notice some questionable behavior of her heart at my last doctor appointment. Nothing that was exactly wrong, but it wasn't right either. Basically, she would have moments that her heart rate would be high and moments when it would be low, and some how those were the moments that they were checking me, which lead to more testing.

My wonderful husband, wonderful doctor, and wonderful (amazing) nurse.

At my last doctor's appointment on April 19, we heard her heart rate decelerate, so they sent me over to the hospital to be monitored. She was fine, I was fine, so we were sent home to follow up with a non-stress test on Monday.

So Monday, I went to my test and while she was pretty excited and moving around, the nurse felt that I was good to go. However, that evening around 4:30, she called me and said that the fetal monitoring doctor thought I should come in to be monitored again to make sure. I headed back to the hospital around 5 to be monitored again, and again, I was good, baby was good, I was not anymore dilated than I was on Friday. Home I went with my next non-stress test and ultrasound scheduled for Thursday morning.

Life was pretty normal Tuesday and Wednesday. And then with Bob watching the kids, I walked into the hospital Thursday morning feeling like today was not the day and I would be going home after a quick ultrasound and test. I was wrong,

Her lungs definitely were strong. I was so happy once she settled down. 

My bio-physical ultrasound went well. Baby looked good, She measured well and was doing everything she was suppose to be doing. Yeah. Then I headed to my non-stress test to monitor her movements, heart rate, and my contractions. Well, that did not go so well. She was CRAZY active and her heart rate was again all over the place. Again, this was not exactly a bad thing, but it wasn't a good thing either. She just would not settle down enough for them to find a baseline heart rate.

So the doctor came in and said Kenley's eviction was here. It was my due date and this was my third test with issues. It was time. I am pretty sure I looked like a deer in headlights. When he used the word induced, I am pretty sure my skin crawled and my stomach turned. This was the last thing that I wanted.

Phone calls were made, I was checked into labor and delivery, and I was realizing how not ready I was for all of this. Panic was striking.

Luckily, when the resident doctor came in, we were able to talk a little more about the situation and set up a game plan that I was way more comfortable with than just inducing me with drugs.

Because I was so far along and I was having regular braxton hicks contractions, we were going to monitor me and see if I went into labor by myself before my doctor arrived that evening around 7:30 and if I didn't, we would start with just breaking my water and hold off completely on using pitocin till or if it was necessary. That plan was perfect for me. It meant a long boring day at the hospital, but it gave me time to calm down and relax.

She definitely had a grump face right from the beginning.
Now, she seems happier about life. 

Well, I never went into labor by myself, but my contractions did grow a bit stronger and continued to be very regular. At 8:10 p.m., we broke my water. It was game on.

As my husband and doctor sat and watched the NFL Draft (yes, that really happened), I began to go into labor. I quickly got an epidural since I knew once again, this would be a short labor, but a painful one none-the-less. I am no super woman, so I had an epidural with all 3 of my children.

This time the epidural did leave a little pain on my right side, which I actually didn't mind because it let me know that I was still contracting and that she was moving down quickly.

At about 10, for some reason, my monitor was not picking up my contractions, so my doctor thought my labor had stalled. He threw around that Pitocin word again, and again, I looked like a deer in headlights. I knew I was contracting, my nurse knew I was contracting, I was contracting.

Thank heavens for my wonderful, wonderful nurse. I can not tell you how amazingly wonderful she was to me. She listened to everything I said and really helped me have the delivery that I wanted under the circumstances.

We convinced my doctor to check me in 30 minutes if I had not progressed than we would pull out the drugs.

Snug as a bug and ready to head home. 

Well, that 30 minutes never happened. Just after my doctor left the room, the pressure in my right hip increased tenfold. My nurse checked me and I was complete and ready to have a baby.

My doctor came in announcing he was wrong and let's have a baby.

He had me push once and I got a half push in before he yelled for me to stop because she was there and crowning and they were not ready. They scrambled and I struggled to hold in the girl we had been waiting to meet.

Literally, 2 half pushes, not a single full push, later, Miss Kenley Marie was laying on my chest. My tiny little peanut arrived at 10:36 p.m. April 25 just 2.5 hours after they broke my water. No pitocin needed.

She came into this word a bit feisty crying for about the first hour with nothing settling her down. I just kept hearing that "Look Who's Talking" movie line "put me back in, put me back in" as she was telling me she was not ready to be here.

But she was here and we could not have been happier. A bit freaked out by the crying wondering what we got ourselves into, but immensely happy to have completed our family with this tiny nugget.

And she is little. She weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces and measured 18 inches long. That is about a pound less and 2 inches shorter than her brother and sister.

She has barely made a peep since her first hour of life. She is eating well and sleeping decently. I am loving every moment of her.

The one thing I have learned is that no delivery is the same, and no delivery is what you have planned. I am just glad I never had a baby on the expressway and my children at home were well taken care of. Despite having quick labors, I was always able to have enough time to figure everything out, which is what my husband always reassured me would happen. (Though it didn't help that my friend had her son 5 days earlier on I-275, thanks Kelli.)

Calan came into the room so excited telling me that Baby Kenley was here and asking did I see her. Maisie, however, is just now warming up to her. She wanted to stay about 5 feet away at all times. 

Our bad attempt at a self picture before we left the hospital Saturday Morning. 

I am a little baby obsessed with how little she is. I never thought I'd have a baby in the 10-25th  percentile since everyone else was 50-75th. She seems so little in everything. 

Already a pretty happy sleeper. Though, she doesn't always settle well at night. 

Anyone in my family will appreciate this picture. She started sucking her two middle fingers the other night. She is definitely my baby. 

A little mommy prep

Good bye bad roots and dead ends, mommy needed a new look.

I am pretty sure that, once again, I will be seeing my due date come and go. I am not bitter or anything. OK, maybe I'm a bit bitter, but I am trying so hard to be patient. It isn't easy and I am not doing a good job of it.

So, to lift my spirits and get me focused and back into this pregnancy game, I spent the weekend doing a little mommy prep-work before the baby gets here.

I love pedicures. Pretty toes somehow
make me feel more ready for labor.
I can't explain, but they just do. 

First I FINALLY got my haircut and highlighted. My hair was way overdue for a little TLC. My last appointment was right before Thanksgiving if that tells you anything. My roots were bad; my dead ends were bad; my hair just looked homely.

Making the time to sit and get my hair done is not easy for me. I have no problem being away from my children, but somehow sitting getting my hair done for 2 hours just does not appeal to me right now. I would rather either be sleeping or running errands. However, I knew that it was time and that I needed to do it.

I loved every second of it. I needed the fresh look. My hair is now picture ready for whenever our little girl decides to make her appearance.

After my hair was freshly done, I headed to get a much needed pedicure. I am a true believer that every pregnant woman should have cute toes for when she goes into labor. The foot rub and special treatment just feels amazing at the tail end of pregnancy.

I topped off my afternoon with buying a new pair of pajamas for the hospital. Even though, I hope to be there only 24 hours like I was with Maisie, no one wants to spend that time in a hospital gown. However, I had summer babies, and it is most definitely not summer out this time. I knew I needed some warmer pajamas this time around.

I am now officially ready for this little girl to come. Now I just need to sit back, relax, and wait as patiently as I can.

T-minus 9 days till my due date.

Poor Third Child

There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it, having your third child is so different than your first. While I am so anxious to meet our little one, I have not even come close to finishing my to-do list. However, this time around, I feel no pressure to get it done. 

Her clothes are washed, but I have no idea what her coming home outfit will be. I had Calan and Maisie's picked out months before my due date. 

Holding my little guy after he was born. A first-time mother
absolutely in love and clueless. 

Her car seat is washed and ready, but any and all other newborn accessories (a.k.a. swing, bouncy seat, etc.) are still dismantled and in storage. And the car seat is in the basement and not installed in the car.

Her bedroom looks great, but her dresser is a shmorgishborg of her things just thrown in there. 

I have not bought or prepared any of my after care items. I actually have no idea where my breast pump is. Probably should find that soon. 

Holding my little Miss Maisie. Showered with make-up on.
Second-time mother already ready to go home. 

And even with all my anxiety of having a fast labor and delivering our child on the expressway, no hospital bag has been packed. 

But yet, I feel absolutely ready to have our child. Why? Because this is my third baby.

I packed my hospital bag for Calan at 34 weeks partly because my doctors feared I'd deliver early and had me doing Non-stress tests twice a week. He came at 41 weeks. Yeah not early at all. 

At the time, I had no idea how quickly I delivered, so I followed whatever pack-your-hospital-bag list I had found that included everything from music, computer, lotions, pictures, etc., etc. Many, many things I never needed, but I had it all. 

Now we are at our third child. If I went into labor this very second, I'd grab a pillow, a purse, and a camera, and head out the door. If I had time, I'd throw a quick bag together, but if I didn't have time, I know whatever I needed someone could bring to me, even a coming home outfit. It's not like I live in the U.P., back woods, or rural area. Everything is obviously accessible. 

And all the things that I haven't gotten done are seriously not anything that I need to get done. They are just if it happens it happens. 

Can you tell I am on my third child?

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I am the third child in my family. I feel a type of kindred spirit with this little one. So, I know all the benefits of having older siblings before you. 

By the time you get to the third, you just know everything will just work out and as long as the baby is fed, clothed, and dry, you are good to go. Anything else is just fluff. 

So, little third child, you are the lucky one. You get the relaxed, confident, third-times a charm mother and not the overbearing, pack rat, first-time crazy mother I once was. 

37 weeks and counting

I'd love to say that this pregnancy has flown by, but man, do I feel like I have been pregnant for forever. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel like I have been pregnant for 3 years straight even though I did take a year off this time.

There was a time I thought I'd never want to be pregnant again. We had always planned on 3 back-to-back, but somewhere between double teething children, crazy toddlers, reflux, exhaustion, etc. I felt done. I could not imagine handling 3 children. Let alone, 3 under 3. It actually freaked me out.

But then life calmed down. It got a lot easier. It got a lot more fun. It got to the point where it was time to complete our family. So we went for it, and I am so excited to complete our family that the excitement and anxiety has made this pregnancy creep by.

But here I am at 37 weeks and I am positive that this is our last baby. We had always thought 3 would be it, but this pregnancy definitely has made that very real for me. It has not been a hard pregnancy. There have been ups and downs, but overall nothing too different from my other ones. However, I am just done with this season of my life. I am ready to move on to the next stage of growing and nurturing my babies.

I am already not looking forward to going back to the newborn stage again. It is going to be hard to transition back to feeding and nap schedules. In that sense, having Maisie and Calan only 13 months apart was so nice. I was barely out of that life when Maisie was born. I hadn't gotten use to the semi-independent toddlers that I have now.

I am looking forward to meeting our little one. I am looking forward to counting her little fingers and toes and snuggling with her. I am looking forward to smelling her baby smells and watching her begin her life as a Wilson.

If she is anything like her brother and sister, I will surpass my due date of April 25, which means I still could have four more weeks of waddling around to go. Not sure I can handle it. Patience is  not one of my strong suits and with each pregnancy it seems these days get harder and harder. My excitement to meet my little one is so strong. I just want to bring her home.

Calan can't wait for her birthday. I made the mistake one day saying that we would not be able to meet her till her birthday and of course to him that just meant there is going to be a party and cake. So, he is getting just as impatient as I am for her "party." I will most definitely do a little party dance the second I feel a contraction.

As I head into my last weeks, everything is going great with the baby. I am measuring spot on. My blood pressure is good. My weight is good. Everything is good. So I wait and twiddle my thumbs and count the days.


Next week, I will be posting everyday about her "Purple Pinterest Nesting" nursery. I can't wait to share it with you. If you are impatient like me, I posted pics on Instagram. Each day, I'll share a little about my inspiration and DIY projects I did to complete the nursery. Oohs and Ahhhs are welcome, only half-kidding. I am just so in love with how it turned out and love that almost everything has a personal touch to boot. 

Pregnancy and 2 Toddlers

Well, it is official. I have finally hit the point in my pregnancy where I am just plan tired. Bending over is difficult. I am winded most of the time. And my body aches.

I don't remember feeling this way during my other pregnancies. Either I am getting old (which is true) or chasing after two toddlers is finally taking its toll.

Compared to a lot of women, I have amazing pregnancies. They are pretty uneventful. I am pretty blessed that way. Let's be honest, I would not be having 3 under 3 if I had rough pregnancies. It would just be too much.

But I am tired. I feel like I have been pregnant for 3 years. I am definitely over the excitement and joy of pregnancy and I am just ready to move on to the next season of our lives.

These next 8 weeks are going to be long. Winter is not helping either. Having had 2 summer babies, I can say there are pros and cons of each. The biggest con this time is being stuck in the house. We get out often, but it is not easy to bundle 2 toddlers into their jackets and shoes with a big belly in the way. It is exhausting.

Sorry this post is full of complaining. It is just not easy right now and I still have a ways to go, which kind of depresses me. If I am struggling now, what will the next 2 months be like?

I look around my house and just see work that I am too tired to do. Finger prints are everywhere. Crumbs are everywhere. Laundry is piling up. My bed needs to be made. And the list goes on.

I am not sure why I feel so tired this time. I'm blaming it on a few things. Two toddlers top the list. I love them, but they are exhausting. And I think knowing this is my last pregnancy is making this last trimester drag on. Some women really want to savior their last pregnancy, I just want to meet our last family member. Our completer.

Maybe despite all the wet snow we just got, Spring will come a little early and the sunshine will lift my spirits.

I am so excited to meet our little girl. I am so excited to be done being pregnant and to (hopefully) never be pregnant again.

I'm too old for this stuff.

The Big Christmas Reveal

It was Christmas Eve night and the big secret was about to be revealed. I was sitting on the edge of my seat feeling very assured that I was right. Pretty confident that what I thought was going to be was going to be. The vision I had in my head was going to be true. I have never felt more confident than I did at that moment. 

And then it was read,"I'M A GIRL!" And my face says it all ....

I was WRONG. I was completely in shock!

Let me explain, we had our 20-week ultrasound on December 10, but decided to hold off finding out if our baby was a boy or girl in the doctor's office. We decided to slip the big reveal into our family gift exchange. Only a few of the 24 people in the exchange knew that the reveal was all wrapped up and waiting to be opened. 

\

It took about 10 rounds before my husband's aunt choose THE package. I saw it get picked up and my heart jumped a little. For one quick second I thought to myself, what if she says it's a girl, but then I thought, nope, I know that I am having a boy. Our video camera of course decided not to work at that exact moment, so I was using my phone. I was holding it pretty steady until right before she read aloud. 

And then she said it. We are having a GIRL. Definitely a girl. Not a boy. Calan and Maisie are going to have a little sister. We are having a GIRL. My mind started racing and is still racing.  

I am still adjusting to the shock. I was so positive on what I was having during each of my pregnancies. I was right with Maisie and Calan. I was wrong this time. My thoughts and visions of what our family was going to be like are altered. I am very happy; I am just adjusting. I can not believe that we are going to have 2 girls in our house. I can't believe that Calan is going to be an older brother to 2 sisters. I just can't believe it. 

So our Christmas has been wonderful. I am reminded once again that life plans mean nothing when you are actually living your life. We loved sharing this special moment with family and now need to hunker down and figure out a beautiful girl name. We had a boy name ready to go. 

17 weeks till our newest angel arrives. 

Here is the video of the moment, but I kind of dropped the camera in the excitement, so it is all basically sound. You can hear how shocked we all were.

First trimester blues

I am sure regular readers have noticed my silence over the last couple weeks. Well, now that you know that I am pregnant, I hope it makes a little more sense. This first trimester has been zapping all my energy and brain power. Plus, for the first time, I experienced a mild case of morning sickness.

I have been napping when my kids nap and not just for an hour or so, but for the full 3 hours that they are down. And some days, they are the ones to wake me up when they wake up.

My will power or desire to blog has been non-existent. I felt like I was in a baby blue trap. My motivation for anything other than making my sure kids were fed and in clean clothes was absolutely missing.

I have spent a lot of time sitting on the couch watching TV. It has been a bit sad really, but seriously it was all that I could muster from weeks 8 to 12.

I am finally feeling a light at the end of the first trimester tunnel. I am  no longer sick and I am slowly gaining my energy back. I have a good day and then I have a day like yesterday where I needed a 3-hour nap to survive the day.

I am so thankful that my children still take naps. Not sure I would have been able to handle this first trimester without the child break.

I keep joking that this third child is going out with a bang. So far it has been my worst pregnancy to date, which isn't saying much since my last two were pretty awesome (or at least that is how I remember them).

I am glad that I am starting to feel like myself again and that this trimester is finally coming to an end. Happy second trimester bliss!

Totally wonder if these two are ready for a third. Love sibling playtime. 

Bring on Number 3

12 week tiny baby bump, though to me, I feel huge. 

Well it is official. It must be true since it is posted on Facebook. It is really happening. We are having our third child.

When Bob and I would talk about our future family size, I always thought we needed more than 2. I am one of 4 and Bob is the oldest of 5, so neither of us come from a two-child family. However, once we had 2, my thoughts were how could we possibly manage more.

I was tired, I was stretched thin, and I didn't know if I really could handle more than 2 children. I only have so many hands.

I remember when I was pregnant with Maisie and people would say, "Oh, a boy and a girl, the perfect family," it would irk me like no other. I know that some of my annoyance was pregnancy provoked, but I seriously wanted to scream that not everyone just wants 2 children and not everyone just wants a boy and a girl. There is no perfect family.

Well, then I had my 2, and yes a boy and a girl, and in my tired and exhausted state-of-mind, I thought, well maybe I do have the perfect family. Maybe those strangers were right? Maybe this is all that we need?

But, then life got easier. My two babies were doing better and needing me a little less. I started to sleep better and that urge to complete our family hit me.

I think my husband would have been fine with just two, but even though the thought of 3 under 3 is daunting, he would agree that our family was meant for one more child.

So in July after months of debating should we or shouldn't we, we pulled the trigger per say. We stopped all the what ifs and maybes, and just decided to go with our guts.

Again, there was little trying. We got pregnant on the first try.

So here we are. Pregnant and expecting our third bundle of joy. We are excited and fearful. We are completely scared of what it will be like. I almost feel like a first-time parent again. I have many worries. I have many fears. But, I'm beyond excited. I am beyond thrilled. I am elated to complete our perfect family.

Maisie Michelle Wilson is HERE!

Maisie Michelle Wilson

Proud Dad

Calan meeting his new sister. He wasn't so sure about it. 

Mommy and Maisie

She is sweet.

 Well, it is official. I am a mother of two wonderful babies. Maisie Michelle arrived July 29 at 2:42 p.m. weighing 7 pounds 15 ounces and measuring 20 inches. We are obviously in love with her and are so happy to be home and enjoying our new bundle of joy.

Her birth was an amazingly crazy, surreal experience. It began Friday early morning when I started to have mild, regular contractions. I tracked them for about 2 hours and they were coming every 4 to 7 minutes, but I could talk through them and I knew that they were to mild to be active labor, but were stronger than Braxton Hicks contractions. I woke Bob up around 6:30 in the morning to let him know what was going on. We knew that we didn't have to rush to the hospital, but it was time to get everything together.

So that's what we did. Bob took care of Calan and got everything together while I worried basically just about myself and the contractions. I called Bob's mom, who would be watching Calan, to let her know what was going on. After everything was set and Bob's mom arrived, we headed to the hospital around 8:30. My contractions were still mild and still regular, but they still were not active labor.

I probably could have and should have stayed home longer, but my biggest fear this pregnancy was delivering Maisie in our car on the way to hospital. Calan's labor was a rapid delivery with some complications. It only took 5 hours from my first contraction to holding Calan in my arms. Doctors say that the second child comes more quickly, so I was concerned that if I waited for active labor, I would not make it to the hospital, which is why we left instead of staying at home, which I am glad that we did.

When we got to the hospital, I was sent to triage to be watched and of course, I was not any more dilated than I was at the doctor's office on Tuesday. After being monitored for about a half hour, they noticed that when she was sleeping, she was not reacting to my contractions they way that they would have liked, but when she was awake she was fine. The doctor who was on call from my doctor's office wanted to break my water then to send me into active labor and get her out more quickly. I, however, am not so game about having my water broken without being in active labor. I asked her if we could wait a little while to see how my body progresses. She said that she felt comfortable waiting an hour or so, but not much more.

Lucky me, the hospital and doctor got a little busy, so my one hour of waiting turned into three. Bob and I just hung out and talked and relaxed while we waited for my body to react. And at about 12:30, I went into active labor and my body went crazy with contractions. To say that I went into labor is an understatement. I went from talking to the nurse to back-to-back contractions without rest in matter of seconds. Bob rushed out of our room to grab the nurse and resident, so I could be checked and given an epidural. They checked me and i was a five; they broke my water, and in 2 seconds was a 6.

To me all hell was breaking loose. My quiet enjoyable morning and quickly taken one a new life. Residents and nurses were rushing into my room trying to get my contractions under control. Maisie started to show signs of distress because my contractions were so hard and coming so quickly that she didn't have time to recover and neither did I.

The epidural that I dreamed about was put on hold till they could get everything under control. I had to bare the full force of my contractions for 45 minutes. They gave me a drug that actually slows down labor. I went from no break between contractions to about a 30-second break. That might not seem like a lot, but it was enough to get Maisie's heart rate under control.

My room was packed with people. All working to control my crazy labor. In 45 minutes, I went from non-active labor to almost complete at 9 cm. It was so nuts. I do not want to even know what it would have been like if we had stayed at home. Our hospital is 20 minutes away from our house. My worst nightmare of not making to the hospital would have come true if we had stayed at home.

Once my epidural was in and working, my room went from craziness to surreal peacefulness. It was so weird. We went from having about 10 people in our room to just my doctor, husband, and myself. We talked for about 30 minutes about the hospital and their practice and a few other chit-chat items. You would not have known that the previous 45 minutes even happened. It was insanely weird. Then my doctor looked at me and said, "Well you ready to push her out or do you want to labor down some more. I think she can be out in 5 pushes."

So, I pushed twice, she crowned. We called in a nurse. I pushed twice more and she was out. It was that simple and that pleasant. It was so amazing.

We stayed in the hospital a day and left Saturday evening for home. We are all safe a sound and our journey of two little ones has begun.

Feeling the third trimester

Things are getting a little more difficult to do as I near the end of this pregnancy. Can you believe that it is almost the end? Well, I still have a lot of time left, but already 3/4 of the way through. I just past 30 weeks and can already feel the difference of the third trimester.

This little girl is quite the kicker and pusher. She is spread out like no other in there. Yesterday when I was at the doctor, she was feeling for the baby and said that she is head down, but that she was feeling a thing all the way to my right and a foot all the way on my right. And let me tell you, I can tell that she is just spread out in there. I feel her pokes and prods all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining; I'm just amazed at how different even her movements are from Calan.

My energy level has definitely tanked. I do one chore and usually feel like I have to rest for awhile. It is survivable, but I am just feeling a difference. Makes me a little nervous about how I am going to feel in 4 weeks.

My doctor appoints have now moved to every two weeks. Everything is going well. I am measuring right on schedule. Her heartbeat sounds good and like I mentioned she is head down. Everything is going well from that stand point.

I am not at the point yet where I am done being pregnant, but I am getting to the point where I am ready to meet this little girl. I have so many ideas of what she is going to be like and look like. I have envisioned a complete opposite of Calan. Not sure how correct I will be, but I am so curious as to what she will be like. Will she sleep well, nurse well, will she have dark hair or blonde hair, will she be little??? I am starting to feel ready and excited to say the least.

10 more weeks to go. The count down is on!

Baby Bump Update: 25 weeks

For those interested, I'll be 25 weeks tomorrow. I'm not feeling huge yet, but I'm not tiny either. I'm still pretty emotional, but this week was way better than last week. So far I've gained 13 pounds, which is less than I had gained with Calan at this time. I was closer to 20 pounds at 25 weeks with him, but I started about 10 pounds more this time around. So, I guess I am evening out. Hopefully, I end at the same weight I did with Calan and nothing more.

Starting to get excited

It is starting to settle in that I am having a girl. I am not the over-the-top, everything must be pink and frilly kind of mom, but I am starting to get excited about all the girl things that I never thought I would be excited about. It has been a rough week pregnancy-wise. Dreaming about all the things that I will be able to do with our little girl really has helped me stay sane.

I feel my little girl kicking inside and I think about all the fun I am going to have with her. How exciting it will be to see her go off to her first Daddy/Daughter dance, to watch her get her hair done for prom, to shop for her wedding dress. I know all those things are so far off, but I am excited for them all. I love have\ing a son, but I am starting to get excited for all the different things that she and I will be able to do that just won't be the same with Calan. 

I am even enjoying getting cute baby girl clothes. I stopped by a mom-to-mom sale last weekend to find Calan some much needed pajamas, but I couldn't help myself to some adorable girl items too. Boy clothes have come along way and are pretty adorable, but let's be honest, there is nothing like little baby girl clothes. They melt your heart.

Our little sweetheart will be here in about 114 days (not like I am counting or anything). I can't wait. Now that my excitement level is up, I know that it is going to be a long wait, but a wait well worth it!

Enough already!

I am so tired of feeling overwhelmed, annoyed, emotional, crazy, insane, forgetful, disorganized, stressed...

You name a negative feeling and I have been feeling it for the past week or two. I know Bob is starting to get pretty annoyed by it, but I can't seem to stop. I rarely feel at peace right now. I never felt this way when I was pregnant with Calan. I have the shortest fuse ever. Not pregnant I am not perfect, but this built up aggression and emotional breakdowns are on a whole new level.

I think the sad part is I know that I am doing it, but I can't seem to reset my annoyance button. Once it is pressed, it is pressed and watch out. I am usually pretty good about rationalizing my emotions to keep them in check, but no matter how many times I tell myself I am acting insanely, I just keep on going.

I really do wish I could breath and relax. I wish I was not feeling this way. I feel pretty out of control all the time and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to act normal anymore.

I know that even this blog seems crazy, but it is true. I'm so all over the place and my extreme emotions are getting the best of me. I wish I could find the one way to fix this. I wish I could laugh it off and become normal again, but for some reason my mind is getting the best of me. This is one pregnancy symptom I wish I had a cure for right now.

I am just feeling so frustrated by this. I am feeling so emotionally drained and tired. I think that it might be time to cash in my massage gift certificate Bob got me for my birthday. I need to do something because what I am doing now is NOT working.