Why does this time feel so different?

I can't explain it and I am not sure why it is bothering me so much, but everything feels so different the second time around. I love Maisie with all my heart, but some how, I feel like everything is so mechanical this time around. I feed, change, and let her sleep. Her needs are met and she is happy, but why do I feel like I am missing something?

It is really bothering me.

She is almost 8 weeks old and I think about all the things we did with Calan by then and think about all the things we aren't doing with her and I feel regret. Some how I feel like I am missing out on her newborn stage.

Now to be fair, her reflux has limited her activity quite a bit. The first 4 weeks she basically lived in her bouncy seat in an upright position. Unless she was going to bed, she would freak out if laid on the ground for more than a diaper change. She was in pain and needed to just be still. Now, almost 4 weeks later, I still feel like she is living in the bouncy seat. We are doing a little more floor time, but not a ton. She still gets kind of upset if on the ground for too long. Poor little girl.

But on the flip side, she naps better than Calan ever did, so maybe I am just not use to a baby sleeping so much. I feel like once I feed her and then get her comfortable again and settled, we don't have much time to play before she is ready to sleep again. She is usually awake for about an hour to an hour and 20 minutes after each nap. I also see now that even though I was trying not to, I am pretty sure I was overstimulating Calan at this age, which then in turn made it hard for him to sleep. Poor little guy.

With trying to balance Maisie's eating schedule with Calan's schedule. I feel like I am on some kind of conveyor belt. It keeps life feeling a bit mechanical and detached, which I am really having a hard time with. I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel like I am living in every moment instead of getting by.

I am sure this is just a blip in the grand scheme of life and once Maisie is more alert and her stomach is feeling better and their schedules start to align better these emotions will disappear. Maybe I am just being a little silly and my emotions are getting in the way, but I want to feel the excitement I felt with Calan and not the mechanical feeling I am having lately with Maisie.